somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
just found out that she named her cat after me.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
