went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
