Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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