I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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