I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Couch. On fire.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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