Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Less talking, more tequila
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
