So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Randomize
