I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
