you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
