im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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