I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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