I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
