is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
