We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
