Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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