if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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