I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
