I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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