70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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