Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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