that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
