She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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