So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
