Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
i think my cat just said my name.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
