I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Randomize
