She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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