Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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