dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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