barbara walters just said penis...
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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