I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
