If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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