yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
