my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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