You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
