I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
