I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
