Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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