a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
