it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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