If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My bed smells like the plague
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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