'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you win again, gameday.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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