She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
