So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
