She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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