the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
