this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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