it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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