I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize