Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
