He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?