I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.