i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
