I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...