i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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