I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
This is my life. Enjoy the view
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
