i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
May the power of my ass compel you!!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
