Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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