just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
