Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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