This show inspires me to have sex in space
Less talking, more tequila
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
