Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
