I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
