worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
