I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize