he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
