when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
