Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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