Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
