I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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