I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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