So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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