take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
